Watching...

My Name is Khan is making me think about some things. The movie is kind of long and tedious but still very powerful. I know I am a Muslim, and I also know I am NOT a terrorist, like most of the world seems to think.

The hardest thing I think explaining to people is why I am Muslim.

People ask me questions all the time, honest questions, stupid ones, ignorant ones and even insulting ones. But this is the hardest for me to answer. I try to avoid it because I usually make a fool of myself. How do you explain something like that in words? HOW? I haven't been able to so far, but let me try once more, in writing.


I am Muslim because I am in love. In love with the truth of the religion, the truth that has set me free as a woman and a human being. I am in love with Muhammad (saw) who worried for me even when he did not know me. How could someone who doesn't know me love me? Before I even exist? That fact alone pulls me towards him and my heart yearns for him like a dying man in a desert yearns for water. He is what pulls me towards the truth, and offers it to me, without any strings attached. And it makes sense. The truth is so powerful, so alluring, how can I not fall for it? The truth is that all humans are born innocent, the killing of one innocent person is equal to the death of all humanity, men and women are equal, yet different. The truth is that nothing that is not meant to be will never happen, and anything that does happen to you, would never have missed you. The truth is that I am a powerful individual, with the ability to change the world, to cure hunger and cancer and hate. Allah (swt) has given me this truth and if I were to step away from it, ignore it, or not understand it, I would die a fool.

I am so in love that it is ingrained into every cell of my body. My heart responds to the light and freedom of Islam. It bangs against my ribcage, begging for more. I have tasted and loved it, how could I ever be satisfied with anything else? It's a drug for me. The drug gives me inner peace and bliss like I have never found elsewhere. The drug is peace. Peace is Islam. Islam is my truth. Truth is the drug.

So the reason why I am a Muslim is because I am in love. My love is so great that I am drowned in it, and there is no way out for me. But I'm not really looking for one.

If you have any questions about my faith, then please feel free to ask. I'm always open for friendly discussion and debate. :)

SO ridiculously happy right now

Alright, so I failed my first college Bio course... which is ridiculous and doubly shameful since it's my thing... y'know? Anywho I was expecting a C in that class, so I calculated out that if I got all As in my other three classes, I'd make the scholarship GPA requirement. But then... disaster struck when I got an A- in Honors. UGH I will forever hate Honors. So basically at this point in time I was sweating bullets, and was like oh no, if I get that C in Bio I'll be lower than my GPA requirement. :(

But then, miraculously, I got a B in Bio!!

So I made it!! (yes, by a hair, but still, I made it.)

Day 2-- Letter to Your Biggest Mistake

Dear H,

I honestly have not much to say to you, except that I hope one day I might be great enough to forgive you. And that you might one day be great enough to realize how wrong you were, and how much hurt you caused all around.


Best of luck,
Hadh

Day 1-- Letter to Your Best Friend

Dear A,

There really is not much to say here, besides thank you for sticking with me for so long. I know it takes a lot and I'm a lot to handle, but I like to think you could've left if you really wanted to.I know a lot of the times I may seem annoyed at you, but really, I'm glad you're here, because otherwise I'd be stumbling through life and making a mess along the way.

Thank you my sister.

From,
Hadh

I'm feeling

Kind of lost. Don't really know what to do with myself. Kind of struggling with a lot of inner thoughts...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Friends or not, we are damaged

I'm speechless...

I have no idea why it took me so long to discover Jay Park's amazing-ness.

Give me your worn out soul...

Narsha is amazing. Case concluded.

Going to R. Theater today to watch Modern Times.

I'm feelin' so energetic

Woohoo. This song is actually in English. Life is good. :) College is nice. I am content.

The whole universe follows me and spins

BoA will always be amazing.

<3

The weird thing is though, that she can make sexual moves look classy. Probably because she's so petite/skinny.



I think I have a thing for her long-haired dancer. XD LOL

I'm fearless, that's my youth

Jam of the week. Well, for like the past two weeks.

Minzy's part is weird. LOL She's like 16 and saying she's 'hood, hood'

Otherwise the song is amazingly catchy, and CLs lyrics are amazing. Even the English version of this song is fabulous. (gasp)

And as always, Bom looks amazing with that red, red Ariel hair.

Even if you don't understand a single word, I'd recommend watching it just for the visual pleasure. It's one of the most beautiful MV sets I've ever seen, and for 2NE1 since 'Try to Follow Me'.

A post about college

I should've seen this coming... but I guess I just wanted to believe the best of people, and my own love blinded me. I feel pathetic.

College really changes people. Really. It does. People go crazy. It's incredible what people do the moment their parents leave them at the dorm.

Let me recap. It's been two full weeks of school for me. (today marks the beg. of the 3rd) and half a week of school for my friends at a different college. I talked to her just today and she told me she'd been to 7 frat parties, and had been drinking for the past two weeks.

Recap: This friend of mine, shall we call her S, won 'most innocent' in our senior mock elections.

Yes. Even I was like WTF.

I was shocked to say the least. She told me she was depressed because her clubbing plans always failed. And the only place she could get drinks from was her cousin. And then I proceeded to be disgusted when she told me in capslock, "I'M A GOOD KID. I JUST EXPERIMENT."

That's the most backwards logic I've ever heard. It's like saying, "I HAVE DUAL PERSONALITIES. LOL HANG OUT WITH ME."

Drinking is drinking honey. It doesn't matter how much or what kind you're doing. It still does shit to your mind and body.

Then I strictly told her she better not be drinking when I come visit her. She talked around the subject saying, "Well, it's not like you ever come."


It's been 3 fucking days of school. Of course I'm not coming.

Honestly, I'm reconsidering letting her in on my visit plans now. If she's been dorming for 2 weeks, and getting drunk for both... then... screw that. I have other, sober, friends I can visit.

Point of vent: People change, and you must expect them to, otherwise it hurts too much. I feel like one of my friends just... died. I honestly don't know this girl anymore. It makes me so sad. =(

Sad and angry. I want to punch her.



Alrightttttttt to lighten the mood here's a little quiz-thingy I took from Jenna!

In high school I was: Wintergirls (Laurie Halse Anderson)
People might be surprised: Sundays at Tiffany's (LOL OMG YES. I read a romance. Of my own free will. wtf.) (James Patterson)
I will never be: Fool (Christopher Moore)
My fantasy job is: Cardcaptor Sakura (LOL YES OKAY. I LOVE IT.) (CLAMP)
At the end of a long day I need: Hush, Hush (Becca Fitzpatrick)
I hate it when: Rumors (Anna Godbersen)
Wish I had: The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
My family reunions are: City of Ashes (Cassandra Clare)
At a party you’d find me with: The Reformed Vampire Support Group (Catherine Jinks)
I’ve never been to: The Forrest of Hands and Teeth (Carrie Ryan)
A happy day includes: Eyes Like Stars (Lisa Mantchev)
Motto I live by: Wizard's First Rule (ONE OF THE TOP BOOKS I READ THIS YEAR!) (Terry Goodkind)
On my bucket list: Mockingjay (Suzanne Collins)
In my next life, I want to be: Nobody's Princess (Esther Friesner)

Bonus: The Top Books I (re)read this year?
1. Wizard's First Rule (T. Goodkind)
2. The Stone of Tears (T. Goodkind) (sequel to #1)
3. The Lovely Bones (A. Sebold)
4. The Monstrumologist (R. Yancey)
(The 4th one actually had me sleeping with my light on for 2 nights! If you know me, then that's the equivalent of blasphemy. Such a cool/creepy book!

Obligatory Birthday Post

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday dear Hadha
Happy Birthday to me!

------------
I'm 18 today! (finally, haha) And I decided to celebrate my blog post with Kangin, because I adore him so. I'm decidedly less bitter this year then I was last year. :) Mostly hopeful, but honestly, not too much because I have shitty friends. Oh well. I fully intend to enjoy this birthday on my own. :)

Hello, soulmate!

So... this is an account of my first two days of college! :) This is was taken from an email to a friend and savagely edited to make it appropriate for the masses. :P (My original email was hardly coherent.) So, here it is! The 411.
-------------------------

Anywho, my first day was mostly silly. I had two labs (which don't start until next week) and one discussion, which was lame since we didn't have a lecture to discuss. So we just ended up watching videos. :D And then I stuck around until my sister was done studying. :) Which was around 4:30, and then we went home.

Well, day two was a lot more fun (and exhausting)... so I got to campus around 7:30 and it was pretty much deserted.. and I was like uhhm... okay deserted city... this isn't creepy at all. So I just walked around and figured out some shortcuts between buildings and such. It was considerably more fun than I had expected.

So then I had a psychology (vomit) class at 8 and it was HUGE. hugehugehugehuge. But it wasn't that bad, the teacher was okay, I didn't get any special vibes from him. The kid sitting in front of me was brown, and looking at wedding photos on facebook... so was I distracted? HECK YES. But it wasn't important anyways, since my prof. just ran through the basics. Afterward I was walking to the library and I saw F but she wouldn't hug me because she was deathly ill. That depressed me more than I would like to admit. =(

So then I found myself having nothing to do for a good three hours. I decided to meet up with N and she took me for a tour of campus. (Not really, she just ran errands all around campus and I tagged along) And then we went up to the honors library and sat there and tried to watch this dumb kdrama shes obsessed with, but she wanted to watch it RAW (as in, without English subtitles) and I was like uhmm... okay... I think I'll pass this time. Then M showed up after a while and we sat around and talked. :) And then A texted me and she was like yo lets meet up. So she came over to the library and the three of us, (we had ditched N, by this point) all walked to class, M left early and then I walked A allllll the way to her class (like to the door, lol) and then, lo and behold, I still had an hour to burn. So I went back to the library and I looked up books/prices on various sites and such because I'm a smart shopping student! *applause* AND THEN. Stupid, typical Hadhafang, I had to go to the bathroom 15 minutes before my class started... and it was about a 10 minute walk from the library to my class. XD Oh boy.

So I was almost late to Chinese class... but then I was not, thankfully. There's only 14 people in there so I'm glad I wasn't late or I would've stuck out like a sore thumb. BUT OMG it was sooooooo intense and amazing and I was like WHUT. I loved it.

As soon as I got out of class it began raining really, really hard. I was like uh... what now, Hadh? The lecture hall I was in... happened to be the only one WITHOUT a sitting area outside of class. So it was either stand around for god knows how long, or make a dash through the rain. So I was all UGHGUGHGUGHGUGH. So I decided in my infinite wisdom, let's make a dash for the library... and I RAN but it was so bad. I was dodging between buildings and I still got pathetically wet. As soon as I get to the library my friend comes out and she's all HAI THERE. I'M STILL DRY SO LETS GO EAT AT THIS RESTAURANT. My face was like :O, I mean honestly, I was drenched to the skin already. But being the angelic friend I am... I said yes. So I was like OKAY I'M RUNNING. BAGO!!! (that means 'run' in my language) I ran like UGHHHH and guess what? We missed the crossing light. So there's basically no cover near by and I feel like God left his shower on and it's flooding the campus. I run over to a mangy looking tree and find some shelter... but just my luck it thunders two seconds later! And then I was like WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE. Luckily by that time, the light opened up and I bulleted across the street.

3 minutes after reaching the restaurant... it stopped raining. :O

While my friend was munching, I went to buy my two Chinese books. :) They weren't that expensive considering they're brand new. :) And then after my friend finished eating, she also wanted to get books so we went back and I mysteriously met up with about 5 other people there. For some reason I happened to know more about the book store than my soph/junior friends and I had to direct them. :P

After the sun came out I started towards my Bio lecture. I was still really wet, and the hall I went to for my bio was stunningly gorgeous. It was an old church or something and there's a huge stone fountain outside, and it's all white stone. The inside had cathedral ceilings and so it was supremely drafty. And I was like AHHH NO. WHERE IS THIS COLD WIND COMING FROM?!?! I legitimately thought I would die from the cold.

But my bio lecture was actually pretty cool. I mean I was a little distracted. But my prof seemed really cool (he basically slammed physics, so I was like OMG, HELLO SOULMATE.) But he was supremely old... I mean old enough to be called decrepit. So every now and then he would turn off the monitor so he could search for something, and then he would forget to turn it back on, so he'd be typing notes and we'd be like UHH YOUR SCREEN IS OFF. But he was so absorbed in typing he never heard us. (lolwhut?) So every 5 minutes or so he would turn around to walk back to his chair and he'd notice the screen was off, and he'd say, "Was that off the entire time?" and we'd be like... "YES."

And then later I met back up with N and went home... at like 6:30. Hahah it was a long and tiring day.

But so completely worth it.
--------------------------

Needless to say, I love college. It's the best thing that's happened to me yet. :P
But OH GOD. MY LEGS. ACHE. THROB. ACHE. THROB.

Ps. the retarded girl at the top dancing is Hyoyeon, an amazing dancer despite first impressions. I'm a huge fan.

I have lost...

All faith in humanity.

I haven't slept in two days. I cried all through taraweeh last night. I feel like screaming my head off. I am so scared for my soul. I'm ashamed. So very ashamed to be human.

The Art of Being a Cutthroat Bitch

Many, many things on my mind. All of them making me not-so-nice.

1. Can't stop being a sap. Don't know why.
2. My heart hurts a lot.
3. Had a huge fight with someone very close to me. I don't even know how to begin talking again.


4. You ask to much of me. None of us can be more or less than we already are. This is me. This is what you get. This is it. If it's not enough, then I'm sorry, but I can't "fix that."
5. I can go against the whole world for you, but I can't go against myself.
6. Allow me to be human. Please. I'm begging you.
7. Let me go when the time comes.
8. Don't call me back. It'll only make me weaker and make the goodbye more bitter.
9. I wish I could convey how much this hurts me, but staying hurts me even more.
10. You should be able to tell me yourself how much you love me, instead of me asking you.


11. This is a dance I'm too tired to dance any longer. Even if it is with you.


12. I'm sorry

Never Have I Ever...

Been this attracted to Jonghyun. Like WHUT?! How does being backless make someone attractive?


/puzzled

Nevertheless their new teaser is cute. :D Onew still looks fineeee despite his nerdy 90s hair.

In other news... well... don't feel like sharing other news right now. So that's all.

A coherent post about my last day of high school

I'm forever and finally done. No need to live up to anyone's expectations except my own. I'm done hating every second of every day.

As I was walking away from school I decided to look back, and all the anger, hatred, and bitterness melted away. Sort of. My anger just became less passionate and destructive, and more fixed. And everything else gave way to a simple satisfaction.

Yes, like a fool and the final scene of a Hollywood melodrama, I smirked at my school.

Nothing matters anymore. I am bound by nothing. I have never felt so free. And this is a different kind of free. Not the kind that makes me feel like I can fly. The kind that lets me walk away from something, knowing I never have to return.

I am cleansed. Already, I can barely remember anything. My memories are slipping away like a stream of water over smooth rocks. (No, that's not a silly metaphor. That's quite literally what it feels like.)

The best part? I'm not going to graduation. So I really DO never have to look back.

Life. I'm ready to live.


It makes me feel damn good, Leeteuk-sshi. Thank you for asking.

Tell Me Goodbye

Hot dayum, boys look fine. :) And I love the scenes with them in the rain.

Taeyang bb, I love you when you sing in Japanese. XD

For reference, GD is the first boy, rapping in the rain. Taeyang bb is the one in the vest+shades. Daesung bb is the one with the red coat. TOP is the weird looking one with the grey/red hair, smoking. Aaannddd Suengri bb is the one reading the files. (he's only 19, whut?!)



Whee last day of school this week. I got the entire Chronicles of Narnia series from the library today, so excited to tuck into those.

Even the air you were standing in, I wish to hold.

Ryeowook, you are so prection...

Stupid boy makes me cry with his silly little songs.

I feel overly sappy nowadays, but its NOT because I'm graduating. :)

I realized this is the most consistent blog I've ever written. EVER. IN MAH LIFE.

Watched "How to Train Your Dragon" yesterday. SO MUCH CUTENESS. I adored it.

Still crying over that dumb perfect song. :/


Hmm... I must have left my saranghae Ryeowook gif on my other comp. Oh well, he's just as enjoyable when being a fierce bish.

Bonamana

I really enjoy it so far.

For some reason "coagulation" makes no sense, but I enjoy it so much.

SHAKE IT UP!

Let me introduce you to my new favorite, his name is Onew. He's kind of a fail, and has a crippling phobia of children, but that's okay.


Ignoring the bitchy caption, isn't he gorgeous? :)

Listen girl! 좋아해, Baby girl! 사랑해

Listen girl, joahae (i like you)/ Baby girl, saranghae (i love you)

When Kuixian sings "Baby girl" in the song it sounds like "BABEE GURR" XD

Oh, Asian boys and their silly English.


LOL WHUT.
Last AP today. :D Physics. Shouldn't take that long. Takes about an hour to fail.

O Joy.

I'm so excited for life, now. It's ridiculous.

Thinking about scanning and putting up some of my old photography. :/ Should I? When I say old, I mean OLD. Like unedited manual prints. XD

Yea right.

Yes

Yes indeed.

Do it, do it CHU~

I have a new experiment: How far one can fall before you hit the bottom.

My BFF texted me telling me to stop being incoherent. That's a first.

I saw Les Miserables on Friday. =) It was nice.


Oh Yesung, I will marry you despite the fact you're wearing a cardigan around your hips. Hyukjae, your chest popping is making my heart weak. Kangin, why the hell are you wearing a pink tracksuit? And Sungmin, I love your hair flicks but try some pants that aren't so baggy. And Hangeng, I love you, your boater vest and your dance moves. Despite you being a selfish bitch. HEECH. I see you at 2:33! =)

I can't wait for the 4th album. Man. I'm too pumped.

I've got the fire and it goes boom boom boom.

Incoherency is fun.

I have enough to last me the rest of my life.


I like how Donghae feels the need to touch himself to prove that he doesn't really need anyone but you. And Yesung does not know which side of the chest his heart is located. And Kibum, I love you, but really, you do absolutely nothing productive in this video. Hangeng, you boater. I love the way Sungmin flicks his hair. And it breaks my heart when Ryeowook throws those flowers on the ground.

I live such a fangirl life.

New obsession.

Oh HAI. Advance Placement?

AHAHA rapefest '10. Never thought I'd see the day.




I simply get too much of a kick from watching these boys' antics.

你是天地，你是上帝的法令

Lulz. Spring break. Excuse me while I disappear off the face of the planet. AKA my ROOM.



I plan on making japchae this week.

FTW?!~~

Yes. I plan on cooking for my Korean husband. Shocking. FTW?!~~

Tomorrow...

I have a huge interview... :/

wish me luck.

Ethnic Fest

Is tonight. Hopefully I get some nice shots. This is my first time doing stage photography and I'm sure to suck. Oh well. The nice thing is I won't have to show anyone if I totally suck.

I danced through my day today because... HANGENG IS IN AMERICA!!!! FTW skldasj;lkfda;sldfja;slkdjfa!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

He's apparently in L.A. right now... (darn) but he'll be here for a while to learn English.

GAH. I'm so happy that he's here but so sad that I probably won't get to meet him! OH MY GOD. SO CLOSE YET SO FAR.

/faints. Oh damn, I need to get some meds to kick this boy addiction. I need Hangeng pills. XD

Rough Week

I've slept 2-3 hours every night...

Very tired. Very, very incoherent.


All my favorites (by looks of course, I love all of them equally when it comes to personality) in one photo! XD Hangeng, Kyuhyun, Donghae, Sungmin and Leeteuk-sshi! :D

Is it possible to be this crazy...

About someone? The more I see of him, the more my heart breaks, but at the same time it fills with more love for him too. Then I get crazier about what he's going through, and how no one should have to go through that. I have a feeling this song was sort of an omen coming from him, that he was leaving even though he didn't want to.

The lyrics are so heart breaking <3 I love him so much.

*sobs as only a fangirl can*

Have you ever met...

That boy you want to hit with your car, shake senseless and rip his hair, and then kiss him?


Yeah... *sigh* I think I'm being plagued by a crush... pft. Not cool.


In other news, I got a full scholarship to ---University! Which is where I'll probably go if I stay in state. They have nice art, science and language classes... which is pretty much all I ever plan on taking in college.


Yeah, I love him. I will go to China and hunt him down and marry him.
Crazy? Yes. Worth it? Damn yes.

Iz teh skirt.

*sigh*


Tough days are ahead of me. See you all at the end of May!

我会默默地祈祷再一次看到你微笑

"I will silently pray to see you smile again."


Since this is an ominous post... I decided to lighten up the mood with the song quote in title/above. *sigh*

Anywho. I came to talk about being a senior.

I find I am considerably more bitchy, shoving people aside and yelling things at them in my car. I find I am far more intelligent than I ever have been in my life. I find I have no patience for people who even hint at the fact that I might be incompetent.

I did not survive high school for nothin', bitch. And if you think it's easy running the show, then I invite you to step up to the plate.

(ahahah jk, it actually is pretty easy to run the show)

Well now... senior spring break. Where am I going? To my room. What am I doing? Studying for the multitude of APs hanging over my head.


Like I said, this aint no joy ride. So I have a right to be an ass.

Ps, I need a new phone. Preferably a music phone. Any suggestions?


This is T.O.P. Korean rapper turned actor... I adore him. =] End of story.

PicSpam, SuJu in Cosmo

Eep! I love this photo of the boys. :P Sadly, only 8 of them in this shoot.

Eep! Left to right: Siwon, Yesung, Hangeng (ahah my future hubby) and Leeteuk! (my replacement hubby :P pfft)

Awww Donghae <3 Then Eunhyuk, Sungmin, and adorable Kyuhyun :D

Haha Hangeng (eep!) and Kyuhyun fooling around.

Eunhyuk and Siwon <3 aw I almost didn't recognize Eun b/c of his new hairdo. :P

Donghae and Leeteuk Oppas :D I love them.

HEHEHE :D YES. I think this is the first blog post that actually gave me a fulfilling feeling. :D I'll picspam the rest later :D

S-s-s-now day!

YES! :D I love today. Off to watch a Jap. movie or some more Chinese variety shows :D

Obsession Blog

I've been hiding my Asian obsession from my friends, family etc... just because I know that they don't want to hear it, and they'd get annoyed with me super quick.

I've also been hiding it from this blog.

But I just had a thought; if I can't even vent about my obsessions to my blog, THEN WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THEM?!?!

So, blog, if you don't like it... then SUCK IT.


phew. Now I'm ready to get this out of my system.

A couple of days ago I went to ______ campus, and I met the Japanese professor there. XD Cutest old man ever! He totally got me hooked and after 10 minutes of talking he has me double-majoring in biochemistry and Japanese, with a minor in Chinese. XD AHAHAH WOW. Either I'm a total pushover for anything Asian, or he's super persuasive.

I also met the art department, who totally fawned over me when I told them about my photography interest. They had me fill out a huge scholarship form, and assured me I'd get it, because I was the only photography major that year.

What? XD

Apparently, when I said "I'm majorly into photography" they thought I said "I'm majoring into photography"

On one hand, that sounds stupid, because it's not even a correct sentence, and I would hope they think as a college student I could at least speak my first language correctly. But I also can understand where the confusion comes from. XD

K obsession time: I love SJM. Officially and forever love. They're too amazing. I'll picspam soon. For the past two weeks or so I've been watching Chinese and Korean variety shows nonstop. XD Are they fruity? Yes. Do I enjoy it? Yes.

Fucking Panda

Yesterday we had a snow day, and last night I highly enjoyed watching a Korean movie that was on my 'to watch' list for a while.

It stars the KPop boy band Super Junior (see previous post). I'm totally in love with SuJuM (again, previous post), I find them irresistible, so of course I had to watch this movie.

It's called "Attack on the Pin-Up Boys" and was exactly as it sounds like... an attack on pin-up boys.

It was a delightful, energetic and downright hilarious parody of Korean Pop Culture (which idolizes pretty boys... or 'pin-up' boys)

The end credits are super cute. Now everyone knows I have a soft spot for dancing Asian boys who don't speak English... well the end credits was about 40 dancing Asian boys... XD and the occasional fucking panda...


Sadly, the panda danced better than some of my Asian boys could... :/

Watch the movie HERE

A rumination on life

This past week two people passed away;

My grandfather (technically my great-uncle, but in my culture there's no concept of that). He passed away of a heart attack only a half-hour or so after having a long conversation with my aunt over the phone. They buried him on Tuesday and his funeral was very heart warming.

My physics teacher's dad passed away on Monday of terminal cancer. He was ill for a year and a half. My teacher still came to school oddly. :/ I feel really bad for him, especially since I sort of know what he's going through.

Just made me think about how we really don't know when we're going to die. How we say to enjoy every day as if it were our last and then end up going out and doing frivolous things. And even if we DO want to change the world for the better, we set our goals until after we get that college degree, or after we get that promotion. We should be setting daily goals to change people's lives and the world around us. We won't ever be remembered for what we planned on doing in 10 years. We'll be remembered for what we did in the past 10 years. I don't want to be a hero, I just want people to come to my funeral and say, "She had a good heart, and that was all that mattered."

Something to lighten the mood:
Cute chinese/korean boys rapping (in mandarin?) and dancing. Can't say no to that, can ya?

I was...

Totally going to write something today but I totally don't remember it. :/

In news:
School is turning up. I dropped physics and my general health has begun to soar. ;)
College stuff is finally turning for the better. I've got my head out of the water and now I've got to just keep swimming. Still no news from the college in Cali... I'm not sure if I got in yet or not. :/
Photography is amazing. I can't believe for so long in my life I was living inside an art bubble. There's so much I want to explore now in this medium... it's amazing!
Imam Zaid Shakir (see HERE) is coming to town next month! I already booked my ticket. ;)
I'm thinking about keeping a diary for last semester of high school. I will get around to it eventually.
I can't wait for APs to be over... once they're over I will be FREE! :D Oh joyous ease!
I've been very sentimental lately... bursting into tears here and there. Even over nothing! (like watching the first season of Pokemon. XD)
I can't wait for high school to be over. Now I know I'm just going through the motions.


I hope your day was good. Sorry for lack of interesting posts.

RIP J.D. Salinger

So sad. :(


In other news... I've been craving waffles for EVER.

Giddy...

I'm almost a second semester senior! YAY ME! I MADE IT!!!!!

Puke

At least that's what I feel like doing now:

My schedule for the next two days:

Now: Psych paper (5pgs), poster board, study for calc.

Thursday: School
Calc test, matte during lunch, spanish quiz after school, printing after school... probably get home around 6ish. (Must take ghost reel, develop, contact sheet)
Home: Study for spanish test, study for Eng. final, AP physics.

Friday: School:
Spanish test, final prints and mattes (Print ghost photo. matte self-portrait and ghost photo)(need spotting! ah!), Eng. final, World History final, final prints and mattes again after school (scanning and spotting is KEY!) Again, getting home at about 6ish.
Home: Physics homework allllll night.


*sob*

College Woes

I have finally decided which college I want to go to:

and it's in Berkeley, California...

Let me list one of the many problems:

• 4 yr tuition comes out to about $110,600
• It's in CALIFORNIA for pete's sake! Sure I've traveled the world but always with my family... I'm scared pantless of living on my own.
• It's in California. That means no snow. Gawsh. [okay, so not a real reason, but whatevs]
  
• Home sick. Home sick. Home sick. [okay, so this isn't a real reason either, and could be merged with the second one]
  
• It's not an accredited college... this is their inaugural freshman class. (This means I get a bachelor's degree... but no other college or university will accept it. The college is trying to get accredited... but it takes 4-7 years.)
• They only have two majors, neither of which are practical for a job. Which means I would have to come back home after four years and STILL get another bachelor's degree. Which means another extra $34,000 or so.

Now let's list the good parts:

• I get to fulfill my dreams NOW... instead of waiting until after college.
• Shaykh Hamza Yusuf, Imam Zaid Shakir and Sidi Usama Canon will all be teaching me. (allow me this moment to freak out. If you do not know who they are... GOOGLE them! I've had at least one lecture by each of them, and I have come to adore each of them in turn. They are teachers that truly made a difference for me.)
• It's not an accredited college... which means when I come home for another bachelor's in science, I won't have to pay as out-of-state and I won't even have to give them my transcripts! Oh joyous ease!
• I get to explore the world a little. I've never lived in a town where you walk everywhere or take the amtrak. I've never even crossed a street in my life. (ahahah shameless, yes, but we are the heart of the American Auto makers)

So... now I just need to break it to my parents and discuss. If they say no, it's alright, I still have my dreams planned out for post-college.

So, to you people out there, what would you choose?

Please help me pray...

For a snow day!!!

New Year -- waste of a post

Happy New Year's!! :)

In 2009 I...

[ ] Dumped someone
[ ] Was dumped by someone
[x] Dyed my hair
[x currently happening] Failed a class
[ ] Fell in love
[ ] Had love at first sight
[ ] Had more than one boyfriend/ girlfriend
[x] Snuck out of my house
[x pffft physics final] Stayed up all night
[x] Cried because I missed someone
[ ] Had detention(s)
[x] Missed curfew
[ ] Kissed someone who I regret kissing
[ ] Danced crazily with my friends all night
[ ] Gained confidence
[x] Lost a friend
[x] Gained new friends
[x] Changed my look

In 2010 I want to...
[ ] Be more outgoing
[x] Get better grades
[ ] Care less about how I look
[ ] Care more about how I look
[ ] Be crazier
[ ] Get a new bf/ gf
[ ] Stay with the bf/ gf I have right now
[ ] Keep my resolution
[ ] To be more of myself around people

In 2009, my age was: 17

A word to describe 2009: Fantabulous :)

In 2010 I will be turning: 18!!! LEGAL! :D

Something I want to happen in 2010: GRADUATIONNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Something I don't want to happen in 2010: Lose someone

My theme song to 2009 would be: Silent War

My favorite colour in 2009: burgundy

My best friends in 2009: N, A, MZ

Honestly, will you miss 2009: Most definitely...